Habs Drop Halak - And All Common Sense

I have 2 other blogs written I have been sitting on - unable to post because of work priorities - but now.... NOTHING takes priority over a catastrophic hockey blunder. One from my hometown team none the less!

Today the Montreal Canadiens traded their hottest player, their strongest player, their best shot at a solid future.

Premium goaltender, Jaroslav Halak is now a member of the St. Louis Blues.

I feel like I just found out about an unexpected death. A suicide, actually. And in a way, I did. Because any hope that Habs fans had of a repeat of the glorious, underdog, inspiring playoff run - or a Stanley cup in the near future - is now unabashedly, undeniably DEAD.

In this year's Stanley Cup playoffs, Halak won two intense Game 7s. He was the undisputable, number one reason Montreal - the Eastern Conference's eighth seed - knocked out the number one seed Capitals and heavily favoured Penguins (Ovechkin and Crosby respectively).

Now fans and sports writers alike knew that the goaltending line-up in Montreal would not remain the same for next year. Both Price and Halak become free agents July 1st. And keeping them both is an impossibility due mostly to salary cap limitations. Montreal has danced around officially naming a number one goalie. They spent most of the season shuffling Price and Halak. But the playoffs showed Halak deserves the number one spot. And finicky, sometimes vicious Montreal fans (an important part of hockey, especially in Montreal where the sport is a religion and the team, something to be worshipped) proclaimed Halak their Messiah. The fact the he was just traded away is...... well there are no words.

Toronto Star columnist Damien Cox said today that Habs GM Pierre Gauthier "probably made the hardest choice by moving Halak" which I whole heartedly disagree with. He made the dumbest choice, not the hardest. There was no hard choice, only an easy one - get rid of Price.

When interviewed by TSN, Pierre Gauthier seemed to focus mostly on age. "Carey Price is young.... He's a young man that could be very successful in the league."

Yeah Price could be, but yet he IS NOT. Price, who was 13-20-5 with a 2.77 average and a .912 save percentage, has struggled to find consistency at the NHL level. Furthermore, the only thing Price has been consistent about is meltingdown. Carey Price lost his temper (after letting in too many easy goals), and started hurling the pucks at the backs of celebrating Penguins players. During the playoffs. Not once, but TWICE. This garnered an unsportsmalike penalty.

Canadiens GM Gauthier thinks we should have THAT over a Halak who stopped 131 shots out of 134 that came his way by the number 1 team in the league. WTF?!

Halak was ranked fourth in the NHL in save percentage (.940), ninth in goals against average (2.40) and was tied for fifth with five shutouts. He was traded away for two players - Lars Eller and Ian Schultz - who've played mostly in the minors for the last year. But, shockingly, Gauthier happily refers to them as "young" and, according to Damien Cox, "cheap talent".

The biggest victim in all this is Montreal fans who - as stated earlier - have, with this trade, lost all real hope at regaining the dynasty they once had. But the second biggest victim is Carey Price. Because he's going to be the recipient of all the fans' fierce anger. He'll step out on that ice next season and the boos and jeers may actually crumble the Bell Centre. This won't be coming from me though, because my Habs jersey - circa 1988 with Stephane Richer's name and number - is now heading for the attic. I will not, cannot, flatout REFUSE to further support a team that makes such an unfathomable, insane decisions.

So... my last words to the organization I have cheered for the last 24 years...

Dear Pierre Gauthier, you can take your "young" goalie and your "cheap talent" and shove it up your Molson-drinking arse. I hope you choke on your poutine. I am done with you and your organization. J'ai juste une chose a dire maitenant - GO BLUES!!!

Conference Finals & Stanley Cup Predictions

Conference Finals – Best and Worst

Well, it’s a sad day for true hockey fans. The conference finals are done and the teams that emerged victorious are not the most talented ones.

Best Series
This is like picking the best of the worst. Both series were craptastic. But I have to give it to Montreal-Philadelphia because at least Montreal put up a bit of a fight. Unlike San Jose who simply seemed to turtle.

Halak stayed on his game the entire time. I don’t think he can be held accountable for their loss. Sure there was probably about 2 goals that he “should have had” but considering that no one on his team could get one in the net, those 2 goals were not series enders. The best game to watch of both series was Game 4 in the Habs-Flyers series. The one game where Montreal used their speed, small size and all out gumption to bring their Flyers to their emotional knees. If they could have played more games like that, they’d have triumphed.

Biggest Disappointment
The San Jose Sharks going down in 4 relatively easy games. Nuff said.

Worst Playoff Beard
This guy wins worst playoff beard and also worst playoff face. Dan Carcillo. Wow is he an ugly guy or what? Add to that icky facial hair in the form of an inappropriate mustache (Movember is long gone Dan and so are the 1970s…) and you’ve got the worst playoff beard of the century.

Best Playoff Beard
This boy’s face was covered a lot in the playoffs because he loves making faces at the opposing teams bench. Luckily those faces are graced with a well-groomed, pretty playoff goatee. Maxim Lapierre. What a hottie… in that Sean-Avery-Douchebag sorta way! But hey, everybody loves the class clown. Especially when he’s pretty.


Stanley Cup Winner…?
I really don’t care who wins. To me, the final is now about who has the biggest goons and the best pests. Neither the Blackhawks or the Flyers play skilled hockey. They rely on their Bollands, Ladds, Carcillos and Hartnells to take cheap shots and make dirty plays. In Philly’s defense, they don’t have much else. But Chicago has the very skilled and talented Jonathan Toews. And they almost as skilled Patrick Kane. Unfortunately, those two stars were not enough to get them to where they are now. They wouldn’t have made it past the Canucks without the pests and goons. Well, maybe they could have but rather than rely on his talented team members, Quenneville would rather sit a 276 pound jackass (Byfuglien) on top of the opposing team’s goalie’s head.

So now in order to determine the winner, you have to figure out who has the bigger bullies, the dirtiest players and the most effective pests. My money is on Byfuglien over Pronger for net menace, simply because Byfuglien is younger and Pronger is old and lazier. I also think Ladd and Bolland are better at the cheap and dirty because they get caught less by the refs. Carcillo (if he hits the ice) will not get away with it because the refs are on to him.
I think this is Chicago’s cup to win or lose. And sadly, as much as I hate them and their dirty style of hockey…. I say they win it. In 5.

Like I said either way, it’s not a game I will watch. I prefer skilled hockey and 99% of what you will see in this Stanley Cup final would not be what you would see at say an Olympic level. Whoever wins, it’s not going to be the kind of win that makes you hold your head up high, not if you’re a “real” fan of hockey anyway.

Puck Bunny Prediction: Chicago wins the Cup in 5.

Round 2 Recap & Round 3 Predictions

Another round… another blog.

Best Series
Once again the Montreal Canadiens proved to be the most entertaining team. The Bad News Bears solidified their name as Giant Killers by taking down last year’s Stanley Cup winners. The young rookie PK Subban became Sidney Crosby’s worst nightmare. Halak was an impenetrable force once again. And Mike Cammalleri got the puck where it needed to go. It took 7 games like I had predicted (yes, I’m bragging) but it was 7 exciting, unpredictable games.

Biggest Disappointment
Do I even need to tell you? I live in Vancouver and the Canucks going down to the Chicago Blackhawks is a loss I am still recovering from. The Blackhawks clearly have no problem going as low as necessary (elbows to Roberto Luongo’s head, ripping open Shane O’Brien’s newly stitched head) and the Canucks acted like bullied 6 year olds on a playground. They’ll be a separate blog about the failure (consistent now at round 2 exits) of the Canucks and what needs to change. So for now I’ll just say they had the talent, they couldn’t pull it together and it sucked.
Biggest Surprise
Philadelphia refusing to go away and beating Boston in game 7 after coming back from not only a 3 game deficit but also a 3 goal gap in the game itself. I have no words.

Best Kept Secret
Well he’s no secret but he did really start to shine in round 2. Mike Cammalleri! He’s been a scoring machine and he’s been disciplined. That’s important for a team that, in my opinion, still take too many stupid penalties (I’m looking at you Hal “Giraffe” Gill). Coach’s Corner showed a clip of Cammalleri sitting on the bench before a game against the Penguins focusing and visualizing and it clearly pays off.

Worst Injury
If it’s true, it’s got to be Sami Salo’s ruptured testicle. Although I am fairly certain that no dude with a burst nut would be able to stand up let alone play hockey 2 days later. But whatever the degree of the injury if it involved a ball (which so far every agreed it did) he wins… and I don’t think there’s a boy out there that would stop wincing long enough to disagree.

Worst Playoff Beard
Although he’s the only member of the Chicago Blackhawks I don’t dislike immensely, his playoff beard is craptastic. Jonathan Toews. If you look at him, his whole face is clear of whiskers but he’s got these bad-ass sideburn/chops thing going. It makes him look like a pizza delivery guy in a ‘70s porno.

Best Playoff Beard
Big bad Joe Thornton has a beard that would rival that of last round’s Worst Beard Winner Todd Bertuzzi. The reason that it lands Joe on the best beard list is because Joe’s is blond and groomed. It’s big but it’s not bad!


CONFERENCE FINAL PREDICTIONS
Since there is only 2 games to predict I’m tacking it on to this blog rather than writing a whole other one.

San Jose Sharks vs Chicago Blackhawks
This series presents a moral dilemma – do I want my archenemy the Hawks (with By-Fugli-en and TwennyCent Kane) to win or the team with the murderer (Heatley).
Honestly, I think I would pick the murderer over the Dirty Birdy Hawks. But this isn’t about my personal preference, it’s about who will win. Sadly San Jose relies on its goal scoring ability more than it’s size and defensive strength. That’s why I think the Hawks and their dirty tactics will school the San Jose Sharks like they did Vancouver.
Puck Bunny Prediction: Chicago in 6.

Philadelphia Flyers vs Montreal Canadiens
This is the worst possible match up for both the Habs fans and the Flyers fans. Because both teams weren’t supposed to here. Both teams have momentum on their side, but the Flyers probably have a wee bit more. That said, Montreal has history, Tradition and now expectation (which could work for or against them). The big factor in this is goaltending and Halak will stop Philly’s momentum easy-peasy.
Puck Bunny Prediction: Montreal win in 6.

Will History be Made or Repeated?

Thank you Canucks. I think I finally understand how my parents felt when I was failing Grade 6 and they tested me and found out I had an above average IQ.

The Vancouver Canucks are my grade 6 year - over and over again.

We have the highest scorer in the league. We have a Team USA rockstar. We have the Gold Medal winning goalie. We have a Detroit veteran powerhouse. We have a stellar home record, a solid away record. I could go on and on about the assests of the Vancouver Canucks. It's probably just easier to cut to what we don't have - a hope in hell.

We're headed into Chicago tomorrow fighting for our lives, down 3 games to 1. We most likely - or most definitely if you tallk to the "expert" broadcasters and anaylists - will be out of the 2010 Stanley Cup playoffs in 5 games. Because of the Hawks. Again. Only this time it's worse because if we're out in 5 then the Blackhawks got rid of us one game quicker than last year.

Now I know the predictions, odds and favorites mean diddly. The Montreal Canadiens proved without a doubt that the season, the odds, none of it matters. If it did, I'd still have to be looking at Ovechkin's ugly face. But can Vancouver do it? Oh Hockey Gods I hope so.

Last night's game 4 was some of the worst hockey I have ever seen. The Vancouver Canucks couldn't spell powerplay let alone do anything on one. I thought their PK started off good - I honestly did - but all other hockey fans I know say I'm wrong. I agree that by the 2nd it had completely fallen apart, save for a great block by Ryan Johnson in the 3rd. Luongo struggled from the get-go. In fact, struggle is a polite term. He let in that first goal before fans seats were warm and he - once again - could not cover up a puck to save his life. Would someone check his goddamn glove for holes please!

The Canucks biggest problem is their inability to control their emotions - or more importantly DIRECT their emotions. They let the dirty cheap bullshit that is Chicago's style of play get under their skin. They let it make them angry and they can't chanel that anger into stronger play. They just let it unravel them on every level. Exhibit A: Daniel Sedin taking penalties instead of shots.

The worst offenders of course are Shane O'Brien and Alexandre Burrows. Both have taken more stupid penalties than anyone else. Although I have to admit that I gave Burrows a standing O at the game when he crosschecked Byfuglien in the back of head. Because even I can be a stupid hockey fan led by irrational emotions. The problem is when the Canucks themselves are stupid players led by irrational emotions, they lose.

Now, as they head back to Chi Town to fight off elimination, they're clearly dispondant. Luongo no longer has a playoff beard. O'Brien said in an interview that he proved people right by being "Dumb" on the ice and that the odds were stacked against them. Alex Burrows, well again, he acts like nothing is wrong because he's a dumbass. That said, Burrows and O'Brien are 2 Canucks I have a soft spot for, probably because what makes them turn into dumbass is the passion and heart in their game. When they control it, both are dominating forces on the ice. But they haven't controlled it in the playoffs. Unless they can, they'll never be a real asset to their team.

In my humble hockey opinion, it's the coaches JOB to harness this winning elixir of passion and talent and Alain Vingeault has proven in the last two years that he is NOT the man for that job. When he should have been motivating the team and trying to get their confidence back up, Vingeault instead threw his goalie under the bus. After Game 4 he said of his captain that Luongo was "the second best goalie on the ice." Way to turn their frowns upside down, AV.

I've made it clear for a few years that I don't think Vingeault has what it takes to get Vancouver to the Stanley Cup. He's never brought a team closer than he's brought us and clearly - if we're out again in Round 2 - then that's as good as he can give. We need more as fans. They deserve more as players.

I'm hoping I'm wrong - about Vingeault, that it's not as insurmountable as it feels, that history will not repeat itself.

I'm hoping Luongo can rally the troops (since Vingeault doesn't get that aspect of hockey yet). Afterall, Lu's the Captain and he's been here before - in February. He played 3 Game 7s - faced elimination over and over and held it together and fought through it and won Gold.

He can win a Stanley Cup. They all can. I believe it. They just have to.

GO CANUCKS GO!

I believe.

Reffing woes

Last night I could not sleep. Literally. Over a hockey game. Yeah, I admit that makes me a bit of a moron. I hear there are babies dying in Africa or something so I should be losing sleep over that, but whatever. It was the injustice of the NHL that kept me up all night. I admit it.

The reffing in the NHL is - to me - at an all time low. I fully understand that people may not take me seriously because I'm a chick, because I don't play hockey, because I like to make jokey-jokes, because I'm a chick (let's face it that's the worst offense to most testosterony hockey fans). But I have been watching hockey every season (for various teams, to varying degrees) since my high school best buds Anna Maria and Lori turned me onto to it in 1987.

I get the refs can't call everything. I get that some of the bullshit plays will fall victim to human error. But the frequency of those bullshit misses and unbalanced calls (when they are made) has - this year - reached an unacceptable level. It's become so bad I can't help but wonder if we're getting our refs from CNIB.

What has pushed me over the edge is Game 3 of the Canucks-Blackhawks playoff series. The first period was all action from both teams, but the Canucks were dominating shots on goal. So why were none getting in? Well, three clear reasons;

#1) The canucks were playing really clean hockey. No one was screening Niemi at all - not once. No one was shoving their ass in his face or sticks in his pads. We aren't the Hawks, but sometimes - you really do have to sink to their level and this is one of those times.

#2) The canucks were playing lame hockey. On powerplays they were back to that annoying habit of playing hot potato with the puck rather than peppering the weaker goalie with shots.

#3) Because the minute - the absolute minute - the puck entered his crease and grazed Niemi's pad, glove or stick, or he made even the slightest attempt to cover-up the Ref's whistle shreiked.

This would be fine if it had worked both ways. But here's how the evening went for the Chicago Blackhawks;

#1) Hawks screened the crap out of Roberto Luongo with Byfuglien (who I swear was the body double in Precious he is so huge) and went back to last year's ethic of taking cheap dirty, miraculously undetected jabs, checks and trips to most Canucks within 10 feet of the puck.

#2) When Luongo covered up the puck he had to wait a ridiculous amount of time until the ref found his whistle. Enough time that these thug Hawks managed to jab the puck free in most cases and get another shot off. It could be called a "rebound" if it was a puck that reasonably should have been in play. But it wasn't.

Seriously. I know I am a Canucks fans (on top of being a chick) but I noticed the long vs short whistles well before there was even a score.

And the biggest absolute EPIC FAIL had to be the goal when the Hawks SHOVED the puck (along with the goalie the puck was under) into the net and the ref's failed to call goalie interference. And Toronto had no choice but to rule it a goal since only a referee can make an interference call.

Do I get why Canucks fans threw trash all over the ice? Yes. Do I condone it? No. It was still a very stupid, uncanadian-like thing to do but the anger that led to that inappropriate choice was justified. i can tell you no matter how blind the refs are at the game tonight, I won't be throwing anything.

Here's the argument I get a lot when I bitch about uncalled penalties (big or small) "the ref is just letting them play." That whole "let them play" philosphy only works when it's evenly distributed and during game three of Chicago-Vancouver it wasn't. The refs clearly favored Niemi. End of story.

Furthermore, it's the PLAYOFFS! This is when everyone should be on their best behaviour. This is when the REFEREES should be calling everything. You should have to win it because of skill, tenacity and grit not because you're the bigger bully or the team that has more cheap tricks up their glove.

That was truly the best part about the Olympics - and the Canadian's gold medal win. We played good, clean, SKILLED hockey. I love a good hockey fight as much as anyone but I don't love cheap dirty plays or players. And I absolutely hate incompetant reffing.

I have heard a lot over the years about the economics of the NHL and how that Gargoyle lookalike Bettman only wants U.S. teams in the final because "they bring in the money." I've never been good at math so I don't bother to figure out how that makes any sense. I mean what I do know about hockey (my playoff ticket to Friday's game cost $178 pre taxes/service charges and one in the same section in the Detroit arena cost $41. Also not one of my American-born friends watches hockey and when I was living there I couldn't find a game (even a KINGS game) on a non-cable channel in LA) makes this statement irrational. But I'm sure it has something to do with how even if the entire population of Canada watches hockey it's still less than the entire population of California. Whatever.

I never believed Bettman was rigging the NHL. Mainly because I think conspiracy crap like this is ridiculous. But the way I have seen the reffing start to turn this round.... turn against Canadian teams..... right now those crazy conspiracy theorists have a stronger case than I do for not believing it. Maybe Bettman told the Refs to turn a blind eye to those Canucks (and Canadiens... that though probably came in a late memo since even a dumbass like Bettman wouldn't be stupid enugh to think the Habs would beat the Capitals).

Either that or we really are hiring the NHL refs from a CNIB work-program.

Round 2 Stanley Cup Predictions (2010)

After Round 1 is anyone even putting thoughts into this or are they just throwing darts at the remaining jerseys and whoever they hit, that's the team they say will advance? It wouldn't be the worst strategy. I'm going with a little of my gut/heart and a little of my head for Round 2.

Will it be as unpredictible as Round 1? As devastating to hockey pools? Here's my predictions.

Pittsburgh Penguins vs Montreal Canadiens
I was born and raised in Montreal. As I type this I am wearing my Habs jersey purchased in 1986, still bearing #44 Stephane Richer on the back. And I have to admit, I let my rational brain rule my pick in Round 1 when I said the Canadiens would be gone in 4. It was what EVERYONE said. But this time - I'm not letting rational thought enter my head. I'm going on guts and glory and history and my belief that I am watching a legend being born (Halak). I love Sidney Crosby (in ways that should be illegal because of our age difference) and I consider him the number 1 best player in the game of hockey, ever. But I think his team is tired. And I think Marc Andre Fluerry is only a good goalie, not a legend like Halak. I also want Sid to know that when this prediction comes true he can cry on my shoulder.... or any other part of my body for that matter.
Puck Bunny Prediction: Canadiens claim it in 7.

Boston Bruins vs Philidelphia Flyers
I knew Boston would make it. They were the fluke I bet on. I did not think Flyers would. So for this one... I have to go with my original dark horse. I think the Flyers are lucky Martin Brodeur was on the downhill side of his career. I don't think Tim Thomas or Rask or on their way down. Plus the Flyers have had the longest time off between rounds and I think it will do a little damage to the fire they had burning. A long break between rounds is usually not beneficial to a team's momentum.
Puck Bunny Prediction: Bruins take it in 5.

Chicago BlackHawks vs Vancouver Canucks
On this one, I'm going to let my heart and my head rule equally - because for once they both have the same thought. Vancouver will win this. It will be bloody and brutual and a gladiator-style fight to elimination, but the Canucks will be left standing. Vancouver will have to win a lot of road games in this, but that ridiculous Olympic road trip was good training. And Chicago will most likely be cocky - going on what worked last year. But Luongo learns from his mistakes. And the Sedins aren't in a coma-nap like last year. And Samuelsson is on fire. And Princess Kesler would probably rather throw his tiara under a bus than let Ladd advance.
Puck Bunny Prediction: Canucks win it in 6.

San Jose Sharks vs Detroit Red Wings
One day off for a bunch of vetrans (aka old dudes) after a grueling 7 game series involving a massive time zone change.... that's going to take it's toll. And to start another series with the same time zone challenges and another young, strong bunch of competitors.... that should be the end of the Octopuses. But it won't be. I hate to say it because other than Todd Bertuzzi, I hate Detroit. I think they play thug hockey - pushy, cheap, and sometimes even dirty. But I also think San Jose doesn't have enough power, emotional cohesiveness or stamina to take on this aged giant. Already Thornton has melted down, Heatly is (rumored to still be) injured and so what else have they got? I really hope I'm wrong but...
Puck Bunny Prediction: Red Wings in 6.


Am I crazy? Do you have predictions of your own? Leave me a comment!

Round 1 Recap

At the end of every round I'll do a Bests & Worsts type of thing. Ready.... set.... go...

Best Series

This could also be called Biggest Upset and Most Tencious Team or Biggest Tank. There is not one sane hockey fan that would give Best Series to anyone other than The Montreal Canadiens and the Washington Capitals.

I don't know 1 single person, expert or otherwise that said Montreal would win a game. not a single game. CBC announcer Mike Milbury said that if Washington could sweep in 3, they would. I said they would be out in 4. But as soon as they won the first game - I changed my tune.

My fiance, who has been a Habs fan since birth - literally birth - gave up when they fell behind 3 to 1. But I didn't. I knew after that first win they could take this to game 7. But nobody - not even me and all my French Canadian blind faith - thought they would WIN in 7. And what a spectacular last game. It was an edge-of-your-seat, nailbiter right till the end!

Best Kept Secret

Steve Bernier - where the hell have you been all season?! Bernier stepped up his game in the playoffs and became a point earner, which the Canucks definitely need going in against Chicago now. Especially if Alex Burrows doesn't find his legs... err shots... now that he's off the Sedins' line.

Best Comeback

A year ago, while playing for the Vancouver Canucks, Taylor Pyatt earned the nickname Taylor Pylon. Well, at least the male fans called him that. The female ones just stared into his pretty blue eyes and didn't care what his name was. Taylor was a slow, sluggish and couldn't make a play or get a point. But when he left Vancouver, he left the Pylon behind. In Phoenix Pyatt was a faster, smarter player who could score. When you look at his performance this time last year versus this year - Pyatt is the comeback kid.

Best Goalie

All hail Saint-Halak! Let's face it every goalie had some stellar and devastating games (well, except Brodeur who had one decent moment and the rest was epic fail). But Halak kept the Canadiens alive - the 19th placed team - against Ovechkin, Semin and the rest of the 1st place team in the league. In the last 3 games of the Washington-Montreal series, Halak stopped 131 of 134 shots! And Semin, a scoring machine, did not get one goal on Jaroslav Halak even though he took over 30 good shots.

Worst Reffing Calls

There are 3 here that deserve mention;

3) the disallowed goal in the Vancouver-Los Angeles series where Daniel Sedin was accused of kicking it in. There was 0 kicking motion.

2) The penalty against a Coyote after Holmstrom grabbed the Phoenix player and pulled him down on top of him. Also, NOT calling Zetterberg "accidentally" knocking the net off to keep Phoenix from scoring.

1) Not kicking Marion Hossa out of the game after his boarding/hit from behind on a Nashville Predator. RIDICULOUS. He was totally channeling Ovechkin who had not only got kicked from a regular season game but also a 2 game suspension. Hossa should have been booted - and because he wasn't he went on to score and dash Nashville's hopes unfairly.

Best Reffing Calls

Disallowing the Ovechkin goal in game 7 against the Canadiens.

Disallowing the Canadiens goal in game 7 against the Capitals.

Both of these were clearly goalie interference but it takes a good eye to catch it and balls to call it in a game 7 game.

Worst Playoff Beards

It pains me to say this because everything else about him (his looks, his attitude, his game) is perfect but... Pittsburgh Penguins' Sidney Crosby. Also Chicago Blackhawks' Patrick Kane. It's Crosby's third playoff run and after 6 games he still has less hair on his face than a hippie's armpit. Kane's hair growth is even more pathetic resembling that of a 12 year old boy. The difference is that everything about Patrick Kane - his weight, his face, his emotional state (if you ask cab drivers, anyway) - resembles a 12 year-old boy so at least he's consistent. Crosby. on the other hand, has manly looks, body, attitude but not facial hair.

Best Playoff Beards

Another tie - this time between Vancouver Canucks Kevin Bieksa and Montreal Canadiens' Brian Gionta. Bieksa's is the perfect amount of growth for a Round 1 beard. On top of that it's well groomed and evenly distributed. Not to mention it only draws more attention to his pretty blue eyes and full lips (are any dudes still reading this...? Whatever. I don't care).

Brian Gionta is used to facial hair, having a form of it through most of the regular season. But he, just like Kevin, has managed to keep the playoff beard nicely groomed and it gives him a rough but sexy look. Good job Gionta!

Scariest Playoff Beard

The only thing I like about the Detroit Red Wings is Todd Bertuzzi. I don't want the Wings to make it past the Sharks but if they do make it to the Stanley Cup final Todd Bertuzzi may have to watch from the bench. It would be hard to play with a playoff beard tangled in your skate blades. Seriously - Todd grew a Grizzly Adams-worthy beard about 15 hours after they snagged a playoff spot. It's crazy. Someone needs to get Bertuzzi a grooming kit stat!